sick

I have been sick for all of this Thanksgiving break. And, let me tell you, it has not been fun. Sitting at home with the food in the refrigerator starring at you 24/7 is never a good way to spend your time. regardless, in reference to my last post, i will no longer let that effect ( is it effect of affect? i never get that one right. and my mother is a lit teacher. go figure) my eating habbits and i will not make excuses for myself anymore!

Today is the first good day I have had in a long while, and i think it's because i've finally reached some level of control and acceptance of myself. i am fat, right now. but give it a month, two months, three months, and a beautifully thin creature will have broken through this distorted exoskeleton at last! I am determined, even though thanksgiving didn't go so well. (it's just me and mum, so she made me all my favorites and we sat down, ate, and had a fantastic time. i don't regret eating, i enjoyed myself and ate the absolutely delicious food my mother made for me with love. Although, i wish it wasn't such a sad holiday. everything from today through december 26th has a sad aura around it... like the pleasure has been sucked right out of it. thanks dad. thanks a whole lot. ) But, even with today's sad aura around it, I am okay. I had my yummy holiday treats and now i'm done, prepared to settle in for the next two grueling weeks of starvation. i'm excited, actually. excited and happy to have finally reached peace with ana; i found her again at a place where she can be my super hero and my comfort, if that doesn't make me sound idiotic. i just know that through her i will reach my goals.

if anyone is actually reading this, though i doubt that they are, i hope you have a lovely thanksgiving and try to enjoy yourselves atleast a little bit.