day 2, early morning

125. 8.

this weight could not come off fast enough, i swear to god. i woke up feeling energized and super motivated today which is a great start to day 2 of this fast.

i've come up with my 'official plan' for next week, since i'm ending my fast on tuesday night, because i'm getting dinner with my mom-

on tuesday: eat dinner with mom, but pick at it and then bring it home and throw it out

fast wednesday and thursday(unless mom throws the 'lets do dinner' at you again)

on friday: repeat dinner with mom, but with boyfriend

on saturday: today is going to be tricky, considering you're going to be at six flaggs all day with boyfriend. just do the best you can do pretend to eat late in the day, say it tastes gross, and be stubborn and don't eat again.

end of first 24 hours is approaching,

and surprisingly, i'm not hungry at all. i'm really hoping to be down a few lbs in the morning. hopefully that 'easy first five' will come off pretty quickly.

tomorrow will be a challenge. i'm going to spend lunch in the library, with 'sick puppy' by carl haissen and my bottle of diet green tea. after school, boyfriend is coming over which could mean trouble. i am probably going to fake going to subway just so i can skip out of dinner by saying i'm still full from earlier in the afternoon. if all else fails and i am forced to eat, the 100 calorie soup at hand in my cabinet will do nicely.

it's not easy to give into ana after recovery. once you lose that hungry feeling, having it back is something hard to overcome. i struggle every day to get back to my old daily routine. hopefully, i'll be at my first goal weight by nov 1st.

from past to present

ana came into my life the day my dad died. well, more correctly would be the day i found out about his death, december 26 2007. that was the first day i ever binged. two chicken biscuits. and so begins the saga of calorie restriction and weight loss.

fast forward to january 2009. self recovery beings. i sky rocket from a beautifully thin 105 lbs to where i am now. 127. the current date is october 22, 2009 and today is the day that my self recovery comes to it's close.

don't get me wrong or misinterpret the point of this blog. i'm not some 'wanna' or whatever you choose to call it. i miss feeling empty, i miss the self control and the emptiness that only comes after a 4 day fast. also, i miss my size 0 skinny jeans. i miss people forcing me to eat, i miss people calling me 'too thin' or saying ' i wish i was skinny like you'.

today is the first day of my fast. so far, it is 3:21 pm and i haven't eaten since sometime last night. im not setting rules for myself, other than the fact that i plan to fast for 4 whole days (aka, until until monday). other than that, im not planning out meals for myself, or setting caloric limits. that has failed miserably before. my only 'suggestion' for myself, i suppose you can call it, is don't eat until told to eat and even then, don't eat. if that makes sense.

i am fasting for 4 days, which means i will turn down dinners with mom and my boyfriend, or whoever else tries to get something down my throat. until monday, no solid food or calories in any other form than coffee will be ingested. on monday, if anyone asks me to dinner, or lunch, or whatever i will attend. i will order soup or a small side salad, pick at it, say im full, take it home, then throw it out.

welcome back, control. welcome back, weightloss. welcome back UGW of 100 lbs.